Without You Here
by shyvioletgirl
Summary: I tried explaining my feelings to her after Moriarty's demise, but she told me she didn't believe me and that even if it was the truth it was too late. So, here I am, a lost soul trying to solve the greatest mystery of all: how to prove my love to Molly Hooper.
1. Without You Here

**Without You Here**

I'd been pardoned for my crimes after solving the whole Moriarty debacle. I should be happy that my life can go back to normal, but nothing is normal. I have lost so much in the process. If I was really honest, I lost what mattered most even before Moriarty's return, but it's only now that he's gone that the loss really hits home. After his return I scattered my friends across the globe in hopes of keeping them safe, but she decided not to return. She decided that she couldn't take the disappointment any longer.

Moriarty always told me that he would burn the heart out of me, but I did that all on my own. I pushed the boundaries too many times and hurt her in the process. I guess there's only so much someone can take even from someone you love. So I've lost her, and without her I'm only a shell of the man I once was. I find the only reason I haven't turned back to drugs is the memory of the disappointment on her face and the sting of her hand across my own.

I haven't left Baker Street in weeks. John stops by to check up on me almost daily, but mostly seems to understand my melancholy. Lestrade keeps trying to lure me out with cases, but I find that solving the puzzles no longer satisfies me the way it did before. I find myself spending most of my days living within my mind palace just to be near her.

I tried to explain my feelings for her after Moriarty's demise, but she told me that she didn't believe me and that even if it was the truth it was too late. So here I am a lost soul trying to solve the greatest mystery of all: how to prove my love to Molly Hooper.

* * *

><p>"Molly, you need to come back to London, please," John was pleading on the phone. The sound of his voice breaking my heart all over again. I hated leaving my friends behind after the threat of Moriarty was gone, but I couldn't go back and face the pain that Sherlock had caused. Maybe I was running away, but after the drugs and Janine I just couldn't get over the ache that was eating away at me. The knowledge that despite all of the ways that I could see the real Sherlock Holmes he was never going to tear down that wall he had built around himself. Despite his sweet words, his pouring out his feelings to me, I no longer know what's real and what a lie is when it comes to him and me.<p>

"You know why I can't come back, I won't put myself through that pain any longer," I could hear my voice crack with each word. I told myself I wouldn't cry when I answered the phone, but knew that I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

"He hasn't left the flat in weeks Molly. I doubt he's eating or sleeping. He spends most of his time in his mind palace. He won't take cases, and he barely notices any of us when we stop by to check on him. He's broken Molly." His words brought on the tears in full force.

"John," I sobbed into the phone. "You can't tell me that. Please just hang up now so I can go on pretending that I can move on with my life."

"I'm not going to do that Molly. Sherlock is my best friend and he has saved me more times than I can count now and I will save him any way I possibly can. You are the only one who can save him. You always were and always will be. You are the only person who has ever been able to get through to him. You have to know that," his voice still pleading. At his words I find I need to sit on the floor, my head resting between my knees. The pain in my heart tearing me apart all over again.

"I'll think about it," I replied in an almost whisper.

"Thank you Molly," John sighed into the phone.

Almost immediately after hanging up the phone I was purchasing an airline ticket back to London. I loved Sherlock too much. I make a promise to myself that I'm not going to stay, that I'll come back home to my new life.

I'm surprised to find Mycroft Homes waiting for me when I land, considering I didn't tell anyone I would be coming. I'm also surprised that he actually came himself instead of sending one of his men to come get me. He stood there as stiffly and stoic as ever, his trusty umbrella in hand. It's nice to know some things haven't changed.

"Mycroft," I said as I walked over to where he was standing.

"Doctor Hooper, I'm glad you finally came to your senses," his dry voice replied.

"I just came to check on him. I fully intend returning back to the States."

"If that's what you wish to believe," his voice clearly displaying his disbelief.

He drove me straight to Baker Street. The car ride was silent and uncomfortable.

"Doctor Hooper, I hope you're prepared for this. He's not the Sherlock Holmes you remember. He's no longer the Sherlock any of us knew," the sadness I caught in his voice made me pause. Sometimes I forget that Mycroft is Sherlock's brother that he cares for him too, even if he shows feelings even less than Sherlock. All I can do is nod in response. I was nervous before, but now I'm scared.

* * *

><p>I decide John must have forgotten something when I hear the footsteps on the stairs. They sound lighter, but I can't let myself hope. I close my eyes and escape into my mind palace, walking the halls searching for her. With every passing day it's harder to find her, my mind is starting crumble in her absence. I hear her voice calling my name and try to follow it, but can't seem to find her. I'm startled when I can feel her slight hand upon my shoulder.<p>

"Great now I'm hallucinating," I mumble when I see her standing before me. Her eyes look sad as she takes me in.

"Sherlock, what have you done to yourself?" the imaginary Molly asks me.

"You left me Molly. You're not even here now, just a figment of my imagination. I really must be a glutton for punishment. I told you I loved you and you walked away. You may not believe it, but I can feel, and without you I don't know who I am. My brother always told me I was a fool, that caring was not an advantage. I guess I proved him right."

"Sherlock, stop, just stop!"

"Are you going to slap me now too? That's what you did last time you said those very words to me."

"Sherlock, look at me right now!" I turn at her words, see the tears running down her face. "Please, stop this." I slowly stand from my place on the sofa. I walk to where she stands just steps away. Reaching out my hand I caress her cheek, wiping the all too real tears away.

"You're really here. Oh Molly please forgive me," I sob the words. Me, Sherlock Holmes, sobbing. I find myself dropping to my knees.

"Sherlock," her voice is soft and I relish the sound of my name on her lips. She slips down to her knees, her hand reaching out for me. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I look up to her face to see my own pain reflected in her eyes.

I reach out pulling her into my arms, and just hold her there, still needing to know that she's real. The feel of her slight body touching my own somehow bringing me back to life. She pulls away slightly only to rest her forehead against mine.

I don't know if it's minutes or hours later that Mrs. Hudson finds us there later still sitting on the floor in our embrace. I hear her gasp, but don't want to break the contact I finally have with this woman who has somehow become my entire world. Suddenly I hear her run back down the stairs, no doubt to phone John.

* * *

><p>Sitting there with Sherlock my heart keeps breaking and mending itself. I'm pained by how thin he looks, his face so drawn. I ache knowing that it's my absence that has reduced this brilliant man to this shell. Knowing that he thought me some sort of mirage when I walked through the door was the breaking point, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to leave again, that I would move heaven and earth to make him whole again. He needed me to save him just like John told me I did.<p>

Somehow I came to understand, really understand what it was for Sherlock to love. I understood why he tried to keep all those emotions at bay, because he knew they would consume him if he ever really let himself feel. And even though before me now was not the man I fell in love with all those years ago I knew that he was in there somewhere just waiting for me to find him.

Soon I heard two sets of footsteps racing up the stair and knew that this moment was soon going to come to an end because I knew John and Mary weren't going to let things go as easily as Mrs. Hudson had. They would be looking for answers that I'm not sure either of us had yet. While I had decided to stay I knew that things were going to have to be different, for all of us.

John and Mary just stood there taking in the scene before them for a moment before John decided to clear his throat trying to get our attention. Not wanting to be rude for a second time I finally and reluctantly pulled away from Sherlock. Turning towards my friends I was surprised to see tears welling in Mary's eyes. Once I stood I was engulfed in another embrace, this time from John.

"Thank you Molly," he whispered in my ear before pulling away.

Mary stepped forward with a little more hesitation before hugging me as well. I think she was of the same mind as Sherlock and couldn't quite believe that I had really come back.

The room was filled with silence, no one quite knowing what to say or how to proceed in this precarious situation. I finally decided that we need to break the tension.

"Maybe we should see about getting something to eat," my voice sounded small, but strong.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea," John replied with a smile.

Sherlock had sat back down on the sofa hands steepled under his chin. I would have said he had retreated to his mind palace as John had told me he spent most of the time now, but he never took his eyes from me. I knew that both John and Mary noticed this as well.

Conversation was kept light, no one broaching the subject at hand. Sherlock didn't join in on the conversation, but he did manage to eat some of the food that John had picked up.

Soon silence took over the room again. Mary checked her watch before nudging John.

"We should probably get going. I told the babysitter that we would probably only be gone a couple of hours," Mary told them before getting up.

Both John and Mary hugged Molly again before leaving. "I'm glad you're here, he really needs you," Mary said before her and John walked out the door. I was sure they'd be back again tomorrow to check on the situation. I turned to Sherlock after closing the door behind Mary and John.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked.

* * *

><p>She was looking at me with such uncertainty, but I didn't have the answers any more than she did. I know that her coming here was a miracle that I in no way deserved, but was thankful for. I planned to never take Molly for granted ever again. I don't think I could ever recover if I lost her again.<p>

"I don't know Molly. I just know that I should have told you I loved you so long ago. That I never should have pushed you away in an effort to protect myself because these last few months knowing that I had possibly lost you forever were excruciating. If I had just told you sooner things could have been so different," I said never taking my eyes from her.

I hadn't been able to take my eyes off of her since realizing I wasn't hallucinating. She looked the same and yet different at the same time. She had gotten tan in her time away from London, and her hair was shorter and no longer up in its customary ponytail. If anything she looked more beautiful than I remembered.

"Well I should probably go about finding a place to stay for the time being," she said looking at the floor.

"Stay," I pleaded as I grabbed her hand. "I don't want to wake up from this dream."

"I'm not a dream Sherlock. I don't know if staying here is a good idea. I'm still not sure where this is going."

"Please, I can't let you go right now," I know how desperate my voice sounds and for once I don't care about the emotions I've always tried to keep bottled up.

"Okay," she replied after a pause. I hadn't realized I'd been holding my breath until it registered in my brain that she'd agreed to stay. I knew that this would be my only chance to show her that she is all that I'll ever need, that she is my heart. Nothing else in this world will ever matter the way she does.

Now that she's here I know that there is no living without her.


	2. Everything

**Everything**

I don't know why I agreed to stay at Baker Street. Not one of my smartest moves, but when it comes to Sherlock Holmes I never seem to have any common sense. I've never been able to protect my heart around him. Since I seem to be staying I sit on the sofa and he follows.

"Will you tell me why you stopped taking cases?" I asked needing something to say.

"I don't know. It's just that with you gone knowing that I had driven you to stay away I couldn't concentrate on anything other than trying to solves the puzzle that you are. You are the voice that keeps me focused and without that voice there was nothing left for me."

"I understand that you feel so much more than the rest of us. I understand that's why you always turned to drugs when you were stressed, because they helped to dull the emotion and made it easier to deny them." I don't know why I did it but I leaned my head against his shoulder. I'm going to tell myself that it's exhaustion. Sherlock proceeds to rest his head against my own.

I always wished for moments like this one, and now that I have them I'm confused and scared. I don't know how to convey all of my mixed emotions to Sherlock. He seems so fragile right now, and I know that I am worn thin from stress and heartache.

"You always could see me in ways that no one else could. I think that's why I often find you in my mind palace setting me onto the right path." His words struck deep inside of me. I lifted my head to look at him knowing that I would be able to see the truth of his words staring back at me. Seeing all of that emotion in those blue-green eyes was all the encouragement that I needed, leaning forward I brushed a kiss across his lips.

"Molly," his voice wasn't much more than a whisper, but I knew in that moment he would always be everything I wanted in my life.

"Where am I going to sleep?" I asked before I could do something completely stupid and kiss him the way I've always wanted to.

"You can take my room, I don't sleep much. Besides I turned John's old room into a lab after Mrs. Hudson screamed at me for all of the body parts in the fridge and experiments on the table."

"Goodnight Sherlock," I said before heading towards his room, needing a bit of space to think.

"Goodnight Molly.

* * *

><p>I sit there on the sofa with my head in my hands trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do next. Molly is not an ordinary woman, and I am the most difficult of men. Our relationship had never been a conventional one, and there was little evidence to support that it would ever be one. But would she want the things that ordinary women want? I don't know if I could ever do romance, dates with flowers and the other trappings of love.<p>

I get up unable to stay away from her any longer. Needing to reassure myself yet again that she's really here. Standing in the doorway to my room I watch her sleep for a few moments before I berate myself for my lovesick behavior. As I turn to head back to the front room I'm stopped at the sound of my name.

"Sherlock, when was the last time you slept?"

"I don't know. I've spent most of my time on the sofa in my mind palace. I would get lost in my mind looking for every bit of cataloged information I have on you. I was grasping for any part of you I could and the peace you brought. As time wore on you were harder and harder to find."

"You need to sleep just as much as I do right now, maybe even more. Come lay down with me."

"Are you sure?"

"This is your bed Sherlock, and we both need to sleep."

"Okay," I said walking over to the bed. The moment I lay down I can feel the exhaustion taking over. Molly turned to face me.

* * *

><p>"I want to tell you something, but I know the words probably aren't going to come out the way I want them to," I knew that I needed to get this out before we both fell asleep. "I know that I told you that I didn't believe you when you told me that you loved me, and I told you it was too late. But sitting with you there on the floor I felt that maybe for the first time you were really seeing me. I've always felt that no matter how much you told me I mattered and that I was important to you I was still invisible." I'm surprised that he let me say everything without interruption.<p>

"Molly, I'm sorry. I know that I've done everything wrong with you," his voice was soft and sad. "There are many things I should have been honest with you about from the start. I want you to know that I have never lied to you." I almost stopped him right there, not believing him. "I may have used my compliments to take advantage, but nothing I ever said was false. I know that I've embarrassed both of us, all the times I was rude, but it's just because I was jealous at the thought of losing you to someone else. I know that I don't deserve you, and I probably never will, but you've always chosen to come back to me. I took that to mean that I could never lose you no matter how hard I pushed you away. But you were never invisible." I notice his cheeks are damp with tears, and I'm taken aback by all of the emotion I have witnessed with him today.

I press my hand to his cheek in hopes of reassuring him that I'm here and that I'm staying. I see his hand rise and my first thought is that he'll push me away again, but he just holds my hand there against his face. I have to close my eyes in an effort to keep my own emotions from overwhelming me.

His eyes are searching mine for any clue he might find to my mindset. I can see his mind trying to work out what mine or his next move should be. I can see desire written on his face, but he's guarded as well. Knowing that now is not the time. Still seeing it there before me I lose my control and kiss him again. This time I kiss him with all the emotions I've had to keep inside me all these years.

* * *

><p>Molly is kissing me and as I kiss her back I know I never want this moment to end. That seems like one of those sentimental clichés that I've always avoided, but I find that it's completely true. In some ways she was right that I didn't <em>really<em> see her until she came back today. But it wasn't because I didn't care or, like she said, was invisible. It was because I knew that if I really saw her I wouldn't be able to protect myself from the emotions she already had evoked in me.

I feel her pull away from me. Her breathing is heavy, not just from the kiss but all of the emotions that have been weighing her down. She is looking at me. Her eyes are filled with love, but also apprehension. She knows as well as I do that we can't go back from where we're headed.

Her lips press against mine again, but this time she pulls back again almost instantly.

"Go to sleep Sherlock. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up." She doesn't turn away from me, but closes her eyes letting exhaustion take over.

I close my eyes before whispering, "I love you Molly Hooper."


	3. Still By Your Side

**Still By Your Side**

I wake to find myself still facing Sherlock, our hands intertwined. I'm happily surprised to see him sleeping. I try to take in every aspect of him that I never believed that I would get to see. I don't think I've ever seen him in any form of relaxation, except maybe when he plays the violin. I notice the angles of his face are a bit more prominent from the combination of lack of sleep and food. His hair is a longer mess of curls that I want to run my fingers through.

More than anything what I find I really want to see is that sly smile he gave me on the day we spent solving his cases together. The ways he looked at me that day, as if there was no one else he wanted to spend his days with. I felt that day that I was getting to see a part of him that he had always kept hidden away. I wish more than anything, that just maybe, that part of him was reserved only for me.

I promised him that I'd still be here when he wakes up, so I close my eyes again and snuggle just a bit closer. I am apprehensive about where this _relationship _is going, but I want to savor every moment of my time with him. I don't want to wake up from this dream any more than he does.

* * *

><p>My eyes open abruptly with the knowledge that I'm not alone. I almost think that I'm hallucinating again, when I see Molly curled against my body, my arm draped around her keeping her close. Looking at the clock I realize that I've actually managed to sleep through the night. I'm usually plagued with insomnia, not being able to turn my mind off.<p>

I'm not sure if it's Molly's presence that has quieted my brain enough to sleep or finally reaching the end of my rope, I choose to believe in Molly. Inching her closer I press a kiss into her hair. I want so badly to caress her face and memorize every inch of her, but don't want to wake her. I'm startled by her voice.

"I'm still here," she said, her voice reassuring.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I said finally getting that chance to stroke her face.

"You didn't. I woke up about an hour ago. I didn't want you to be alone." She looks up to my face with the hint of a smile on hers. At the sight I can't help but smiling too.

* * *

><p>There it is. The half-smile that I've been aching to see. I know that my eyes have lit up with the action, and I hope he doesn't notice.<p>

"Come on. Let me make you some breakfast," I ordered, dragging him out of bed. I could have stayed cuddled up in bed with him all day, but I knew we wouldn't be awarded that kind of peace today. I have a feeling that not only will we be hosting John and Mary again, but Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade will be gracing us with their presence as well.

"I don't think I have any food in the kitchen," he groaned. I knew that he shared my opinion of staying in bed.

"I'll figure something out," I replied making sure to keep his hand in mine. Realizing I was desperate for his touch, knowing he was just as desperate.

I hate that I have forgiven him so easily, but he was right when he said I always choose to come back to him. It's not because I have nowhere better to go, or because I am so hopelessly in love with him. No, it's because I have hope that he can be the man that I see when I look at him. I know that I will always find myself here. If I have to wait forever I know that I will because he lets me see pieces of himself that he doesn't show anyone else.

It's really not that I can see him when no one else can, it might be unconscious on his part, but he's letting me see those tiny pieces. And I understand now that it was never because I was invisible to him, but his way of showing that he cared. Maybe, just maybe I can get him to really show me who he is now.

We luck out when reaching the kitchen. It seems Mrs. Hudson has taken pity on us and a wonderful breakfast lies on the table. I put together plates for the both of us and am struck by the domesticity of it all; sitting down to eat breakfast with Sherlock.

* * *

><p>I look down at the plate of pastries and fruit that Molly has gathered for me, and find that I'm starving which never happens. I've always had a small appetite and never eat while on a case. Surprisingly we fall into conversations about science and past experiments. If anyone were to see us they'd think this was a common occurrence on Baker Street. I like the familiarity of the flow of conversation that I can have with her. She never makes me feel out of the ordinary.<p>

I find that I am enjoying these moments, just the two of us. I know that it can only last so long though. By now word has spread about Molly being home, and our embrace on the floor. Between the Watsons and Mrs. Hudson I'm sure everyone we are acquainted with knows, granted it's a small list. I'm somewhat nervous about the convergence of visitors we're bound to encounter today.

Molly and I haven't discussed anything about our _relationship_, and I know that's really anyone wants to know about. I was surprised at John and Mary's restraint last night. I could practically hear all of the questions rattling around in the good doctor's head as he sat across from me. We're no closer to being able to answer them than we were last night, but that won't stop anyone today.

When it comes to me they all seem to believe that I can make any decision in a split second. While in most cases that's true I've rarely had to deal with matters of my own heart, and certainly not one of this magnitude. Not to mention taking Molly's feelings into account. That's something I never thought I'd even consider. I'm so used to trying to protect myself that I never have given anyone the chance to give their thoughts on any given situation.

A few hours after breakfast the first of our many visitors would show up. I'm thrown off guard when it's Mycroft that walks through the door. I can see him glancing around the room looking for evidence of the previous day's events.

"What are you doing here Mycroft?" I inquired with irritation in my voice. Of all the people I had expected to see my brother was not one of them, and I wasn't in the mood for any of his condemnation.

"Checking on your well-being brother. I you are still here Doctor Hooper," he stated sounding bored with it all.

"Good morning Mycroft," Molly remarked looking from him to me as if waiting for an explosive argument to ensue. Which of course was entirely possible with the two of us.

"And how did you know Molly was here? Do you have my flat bugged again?"

"Of course I have surveillance on your flat, but I knew Doctor Hooper was here because I am the one who dropped her off yesterday." His words are shocking as I would never expect him to do something that he would normally hand off to Althea.

* * *

><p>The dynamic between the Homes brothers is a sight to see. One never knows what's going to happen. I don't really understand the animosity, but what do I really know about siblings never having any myself. I can see that Sherlock is trying to decide if he should be upset with Mycroft for dropping me off yesterday or not.<p>

I take his hand in mine hoping that it will quell any anger he's feeling at the moment. It seems to work as I can see some of the tension leave his body at my touch. The effect I seem to have on him is reassuring that I'm possibly making the right decision in staying in London. I just hope that this isn't temporary because I don't think I can go back to the way things were.

I notice Mycroft staring at us, as if trying to solve a puzzle. I've never really wondered about the older Holmes brother, but now I wish I knew what was running through his mind. When he seems satisfied with whatever conclusion he's come to he heads back for the door.

"Glad to see you're both doing well," is all he said before walking away.

I turn to Sherlock to see mixed emotions in his eyes. Placing my hands on his face I turn him to face me.

"I'm still here by your side," I whisper before kissing him lightly.


	4. Whatever It Takes

**Whatever It Takes**

I reach for her, not wanting to lose the contact of her kiss. I want to memorize every single moment I have with her, the feel of her soft lips against my own.

"Sherlock," the sound of my name is soft and throaty, her forehead resting against mine. "We need to talk about this. I want…want this to work, but you have to let me in. You have to meet me halfway."

"I don't know how to do that," she starts to pull away from me, and I can see the sadness in her eyes, "but I want to try."

"I know you're afraid of the pain that can come with letting someone in, but you know I'm not going anywhere. You're right that I always choose to come back to you, but things have to be different this time. I'm not going to let you hurt me the way I did before," her words speed out of her mouth as if she's afraid that she won't be able to get through the thought.

"I never wanted to hurt you, and there were times that I didn't even know I was doing it. I thought that telling you the truth of things was kinder than letting you go about with false knowledge." I noticed that she closes her eyes at my words. I can only imagine what scenes could be running through her mind now. I know that she thinks I have probably deleted all of our bad experiences together, but I've never been able to rid myself of anything pertaining to her. I don't want to be that person any longer. Well, I want to be me as I always have been, but I no longer want to hurt her any longer.

"Molly, I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I just try not to think about the past any longer, but I know that we have quite a bit to rehash and figure out how to go forward form here," her voice is strained and I wish things could be easier between us, but I understand her trepidation.

"Do you think you can find a way to believe in me again?" I find I fear the answer to my question. What if despite our recent intimate moments she can't truly forgive me, believe that I can change?

"I never stopped believing in you, I just wanted to protect my heart."

"Will you give me a chance to do things differently this time?"

"Yes, I think I can do that." My heart is rejoicing at her words. "But Sherlock, I know I'm capable of leaving now, of letting go in some aspect. Please don't push me away again, because I won't come back a second time." Her voice is filled with determination.

"I will do whatever it takes to make you happy Molly, to make both of us happy."

_**I know this is a short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Thank you everyone who has taken the time to review the story, I hope to hear more from you all. I also hope you continue to enjoy the story. **_


	5. Belief

**Belief**

I want to believe in everything that he's telling me. I've always believed that he could be 'more human' so to say if he'd only set his mind to it. I tell myself that I need to take deep breaths and be patient with him, that I'll need to do that for the foreseeable future. He's already shown me he can do things differently and that he can open up a bit. The man I met all those years ago would've never been able to sit here with me and be intimate in any way shape or form.

He has grown over these last few years and I wish things could have been different when he first came home. I almost broke off my engagement to Tom the night Sherlock showed up at the morgue, but I wanted to prove to myself (and maybe even him) that I was really over him. If I had just followed my heart then maybe none of the events that caused me stay away in the first place would have come to pass. Maybe he wouldn't have ended up back on drugs, had a fake engagement, gotten shot, or killed Charles Magnussen. But then again maybe nothing would have changed. I don't even know if any of it can change now, but I want to believe, because I've always believed in him.

The two of us sat there for a long while in silence, both of us needing to get our thoughts in order. I was glad that he kept his hand intertwined with my own, not knowing I had needed that small gesture of comfort.

"Yoo-hoo. Am I interrupting?" Mrs. Hudson asked in her cheery voice as she peeked her head through the open door.

"Yes, of course you're interrupting, but come in anyway," Sherlock chided.

"Molly dear, it's so good to see you again. We've all been missing you." I could tell she wanted to say something along the lines of 'especially Sherlock' but kept it to herself. I have a feeling that she's unsure of Sherlock's mindset and she doesn't want to say anything to upset him.

"Thank you for breakfast this morning, it was lovely," I said going over to finally give her a hug.

"How long are you staying dear," she asked one of the questions that John and Mary had been afraid to ask last night.

"I don't know, it really all depends," I replied looking up to meet Sherlock's gaze, knowing that his eyes would be on me. He looked sad, knowing that nothing was certain at this point, but I gave him a smile of assurance.

"Well I'm glad you're here no matter for how long," she said smiling. Leaning in to give me another brief hug she whispered, "You're good for him, be strong."

I smile at her as she heads back downstairs. Looking back at Sherlock again I see he's holding his head between his hands and his shoulders are bunched with stress. I have a feeling that today is going to take a toll on him. Maybe I should call John, Mary and Lestrade to make sure we don't have any more visitors today.

I walk slowly back to the sofa, and crouch down in front of him. I try to keep my voice soft and even, even though my heart is breaking at the sight of him. "Look at me," I said as I put my hand on his thigh. He seemed reluctant but acquiesced. "We'll figure it out, I promise. Come on, let's go lie down a little longer," I encouraged taking his hands in mine.

His silence worries me. Did I hurt him when I didn't tell Mrs. Hudson I was back to stay? Was he looking for some sort of affirmation that everything was going to work out? He's lying next to me, but he seems so far away. For once he was able to hide himself from me.

"Sherlock, what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours?" I questioned.

"Why do I still feel lost if you're right here with me?"

"Because you like to live in a world of certainty and right now nothing is." I know she's right as she answered. I live in a world surrounded by facts that are always constant, and now I am unsure of what my life will be from moment to moment. I'm so afraid that I'll lose her again.

When she told Mrs. Hudson she wasn't sure how long she'd be staying it felt as if the world was falling away from me again even though I had just found solid ground to stand on. Was Molly undecided of my intentions to keep us together? I guess I can't blame her since we've had a rocky relationship over the years.

"Sherlock, I'm here now, and that's what we need to focus on. We can't worry about tomorrow or the next day." She's looking at me with such hope in her eyes and her melodic voice is soothing.

"I know you're right, but it's all a bit overwhelming now. Everyone is looking at us expectantly, as if all of the puzzle piece will right themselves in an instant. If I'm honest I keep hoping they will too," I confessed.

"I used to feel that way. That one day you might look up from whatever experiment you were currently conducting and give me that half smile of yours that I love so much, and every bit of our lives would just fall into place. I don't know when things changed, but I figured out that life isn't so much about a fairytale ending. It's about wanting to do anything to make it work the best way it can."

"You've always been smarter than any of us gave you credit for." I told her finally finding some solace in her words.

"At least I knew I was always a step above Anderson," she joked.

"Some days you're even smarter than I am," I confess. At this she leans in, kissing my cheek. I wish it was more, but I have a feeling we've both been trying to rush things and need to take a step back.

"Close your eyes," she requested and I follow her lead. Her fingers trail along my cheek and down my arm, before pressing her lips lightly against mine again. "Go to sleep," she whispers against them, "I promise I'll be here when you wake up." I didn't realize how exhausted I was until she asked me to close my eyes. I found myself drifting off as she kept up the caress of her hand on my cheek and arm.

After I'm sure he's fallen to sleep I kiss his cheek one last time before heading back out to the front of the flat. I know that I need to have just a few moments to myself to get my swirling emotions in check. I find myself pacing the room and giving myself a silent pep talk.

"You can make it through this Molly. You are stronger than you look," I keep telling myself over and over.

I must have started to say the words aloud because I was interrupted by John moments later.

"You've always been strong Molly. You'd have to be to put up with Sherlock for so long. Not to mention keeping such a monumental secret like you did. I'm sorry if we never made you feel as if you were." His words were laced with sadness, something akin to guilt.

"Oh John, you scared me."

"Sorry, I thought if I didn't interrupt you soon you might wear a trench into the floor." He smiled and I couldn't help smiling back. "I don't suppose that the lack of Sherlock means he's out on a case?"

"No," I said shaking my head at the same time. "He's asleep. We've had an eventful day so far. Mycroft was here this morning, and Mrs. Hudson popped in for a few minutes."

"It's really you I wanted to talk to anyway, so this works out quite nicely. I knew I was asking too much of you to come home and I did it anyway. I'm glad that you're here though. He doesn't deserve someone like you Molly, and don't let him know I told you but I know you've always been the only person in the world for him." I can feel tears starting to well up in my eyes again at his words.

"How do you know that?" I questioned glad that my voice doesn't betray me.

"I know he doesn't think I can see the world the way he does, but after living with him for two years I picked up on a few things. When he didn't think anyone was looking he would look at you and smile. I caught him doing it more than a few times over the years. I never understood why he refused to act on his feeling when he damn well knew that you felt the same."

"I'm starting to believe that we were meant for these trials John. We've never been on equal footing him and I, and now we might be close." He nodded in understanding at my words.

"You might be right. I really think so much changed in him while he was away, and I want you to know you were the reason for the change. He told me about you telling him about not counting before you helped him fake his death. I think that moment right there was his wake up call." I hug him when he's finished.

"Thank you John. I didn't know how much I needed to hear any of that until just now."

"You be good to him, he needs you. I hope I'll see you around," he said before heading back home.

After John left I was feeling much better about the situation at hand. He gave me that bit of the confidence that I'd been trying to give myself.

I decided I should check on Sherlock, and found him sprawled about the bed, his long-limbed body taking up more space than he should be able to. It made me smile to see him in this state of relaxation. He somehow had gotten himself tangled up in the sheets and I was sure it would be interesting watching him try to extricate himself from them later.

I finally know that I believe not only in him, but in myself. I believe in the both of us.

_**Thank you to all of you wonderful readers. I hope that you are enjoying the story thus far. Thank you also to everyone who has left reviews so far, I greatly appreciate all of the feedback. I hope to hear more from all of you. Enjoy, there should be another chapter soon.**_


	6. All In

**All In**

_Three Months Later_

"Molly, Lestrade's got a case, sounds like an eight."

"Do I need to head to Bart's to save whoever is on shift then?" Her voice is filled with sarcasm and I can't help but smile.

"I think I'll be able to manage one case without you. Despite what everyone seems to think I can work with other the Pathologists, I just prefer you." I lean down to kiss her before donning my coat and scarf. "I don't think I'll be too late."

"Mrs. Hudson wants me to help with some baking, so off you go and solve your case," she's remarked as she kisses my cheek and practically pushes me out the door

I know she's pleased to see me out taking cases again and being a pain in everyone's arse. Despite her being back and waking up with her in my arms every morning it took me over a month before I stepped out the door. I would solve a case here and there as long as it didn't involve me leaving the flat. I was terrified that if I left she wouldn't be there when I got back. Of course she finally put her foot down and told me that if I didn't start taking proper cases that she was going to leave.

We'd somehow found a nice routine over the past few months. She went back to Bart's but only part time. Apparently when she was living in the States Mycroft had set her up with a very generous bank account that he insisted she keep even after moving back. I was quite angry until Molly told him in no uncertain terms that she would not be reporting back to him about my whereabouts or wellbeing. I find that I really love this new brave Molly.

Now I have loved Molly for many years now, but it is only in these last few months that I have really fallen in love with her. She is the part of my life I never really knew I was missing until she wasn't there. I plan on proving to her that I am completely committed to making this work between us; that I am all in in every way. So instead of heading to NSY I am off to the jewelry store to pick up my great-grandmother's ring.

* * *

><p>"Mrs. Hudson, are you ready to do that baking?"<p>

'Oh, yes of course dear. I was just getting everything together. Why exactly are we baking again?"

"I need something to keep Mycroft away from the flat for the evening and the surest way to do that is with cake."

"Won't he be suspicious?"

"Maybe, but if I bribe him with enough cake I'll be able to sit down and have a serious talk with Sherlock without him interrupting the way he has a tendency to do whenever there is something he feels he needs to be in the know about. I swear he's worse than a teenage girl when it comes to gossip." This brings out a bout of laughter from the both of us.

I feel bad that I have to resort to bribing Mycroft to stay away, but he's been hovering about ever since I decided to stay. I don't know what he's trying to accomplish, but I have something important to tell Sherlock and I don't need him intruding on the moment. In fact when I deliver the cakes I plan on giving him a stern talking to, maybe if he finally realizes that I don't plan on leaving then he'll stop being so overbearing, but I won't get my hopes up.

Of course I'm hoping that Sherlock will still want me stay after what I plan to tell him. There is always the chance that he'll revert back to his overly selfish self and start pushing me away again. The last three months have been both painful and extremely happy and I don't want to lose what we've grown towards, but one never really knows what's going on in Sherlock's mind, not even me.

"You're not leaving again are you? I mean you've already had all of your things brought back over."

"No, Mrs. Hudson. It's just Sherlock and I need to have a talk about what we want out of this relationship if it's every going to go anywhere. Do you understand?"

"Yes, dearie I do. And I know that I've never seen Sherlock happier."

"Well, then, let's make some cakes. I need to get them over to Mycroft before Sherlock finishes his case."

* * *

><p>"Well, John what do you think?" I questioned anxiously hoping that the opal and diamond ring is perfect.<p>

"I think it's exactly perfect for Molly. When are you asking?"

"Tonight. I don't plan on wasting any more time when it comes to Molly," I explained.

"I can't believe that the Great Sherlock Holmes is going to get married. I never thought I'd see the day," he marveled.

"Well she hasn't said yes yet." I try to keep the worry out of my voice. I don't want to consider that she might not accept my proposal.

"And we both know you wouldn't be asking if you didn't already know the answer," John insisted.

"John when it comes to Molly the only thing I'm certain of is that she loves me, but that doesn't mean she'll accept." I find myself playing with the ring box, turning it over and over in my hand.

"Yes, she will mate. She has fancied you since before I met her, and these past few months you both have been happier than I've ever seen either you."

"She saved me, just like she always does," I confessed with a smile.

"And she always will Sherlock."

* * *

><p>"Mycroft, I've brought you some cakes," I cheered as I handed him the parcels.<p>

"And why would you be doing such a thing Miss Hooper?" he questioned with raised eyebrows.

"Because I need you to stop interfering with Sherlock's life," I sighed "We need to be able to work on our relationship without you feeling the need to check up on him constantly. You know I'm not going anywhere, and he's been out taking cases and terrorizing the world at large again."

"I worry about him," his voice sounded bored, but knew it was all an act.

"I know you do, but you need to stop treating him like a child. And don't tell me he acts like one. I live with him, and he is a perfectly fine adult when you're not around antagonizing him," I scolded. Was it a good idea for someone to scold the British Government? Probably not.

"I'm sure that has more to do with you than him. How is domesticity going with the two of you?"

"We're fine as I'm sure you know what with having an obscene amount of surveillance on the flat. I just need you to give us a bit of space for a few days. Sherlock and I both need to figure out where we want this relationship to go and we can't do that when you are constantly showing up unannounced to see about your brother's wellbeing," I bellowed with exasperation.

"I don't recall you ever being so outspoken Miss Hooper," his dry voice filled with surprise.

"Yes, well, things have changed a bit over the last few months, over the last few years really," I assured him.

"I'm not one for sentimentality, but I am glad my brother has found someone who balances him out."

"Thank you Mycroft, that means quite a lot coming from you. I guess I'll get going now, enjoy your cakes."

"I do hope I'll be hearing from you both soon." I heard him state as I walked out the door.

* * *

><p>Molly was out on an errand according to Mrs. Hudson when I arrived back at the flat, and I decided to use her absence to my advantage. I cleaned up the table as best I could and even found some candles Molly had stashed about the flat to put on it. I had picked up some dinner from Angelo's so now all I needed to do was wait for Molly to return home.<p>

Home. I liked the way that sounded when it came to Molly. She had already started putting her personal touches around the flat, but for the most part still looked the same. I hope that she'll want to make this her permanent home, because I can no longer imagine a life that doesn't involve her completely. I should tell her that. Maybe that's what I ought to be doing while I wait for her; composing what it is I want to say exactly when I propose.

"Sherlock, I'm back," she exclaimed coming through the door. She looks beautiful standing there in the doorway smiling at me. Her cheeks and nose a bit pink from the crisp air outside and her caramel hair in soft curls around her shoulders.

I find all I can do is smile at her. I am nervous and I hate it. I want to be in control and know the answer to my question before I even ask it. She give me a sweet kiss before sitting herself down on my lap.

"What is all of this?" she asked motioning at the table.

"I thought maybe we could have a nice dinner and night to ourselves," I replied hoping that I wasn't giving anything away with my words or actions.

"You must have read my mind then, since there is something I wanted to talk to you about tonight," she revealed, her smile never wavering.

"Let's enjoy this food that Angelo has made for us then."

Everything is going smoothly, and yet for some reason I am getting more nervous as the evening wears on. I have a feeling that it's starting to show when Molly gives me a quizzical look in the middle of our dinner conversation. After we've finished eating I follow her to the sofa where she leans her head against my shoulder and I feel some of the tension leave my body. I don't know how or why she has such a calming effect of me, but right now I am happy she does.

"There is something going on in that beautiful mind of yours Sherlock," she stated taking my hand I hers. "I want to talk to you about something. Tell you something really, but I have a feeling that there might be something you want to say too."

"How do you do that Molly?"

"I just know you Sherlock."

"Yes, there is something I wanted to say too, but maybe you should go first."

"Um, okay. Well I guess I want to know where you want this relationship to go. There are things that I want, and I want us to be on the same page I guess. Our lives have changed so much and well the thing is…"

I don't know why I do it, but I can't wait any longer. I forget everything I wanted to say and just blurt it out at the same time she finishes her sentence.

"Will you marry me?"

"I'm pregnant."

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><p><em><strong>Thank you everyone who has been waiting for this chapter. I cannot believe that it has taken me so long to get this chapter posted. I hope that you all enjoy. Please leave me a review so I can make sure the last chapter or two are wonderful ones. And I promise that they will be posted sooner rather than later. Thanks again for your continued support. <strong>_


	7. Here With You

**Here With You**

I don't know how long we both sat there with looks of absolute shock on our faces, but it seemed like hours. I can't believe that he is asking me to marry him. I never expected that he'd want to get married and I was fine with that. I kind of always saw us together as we are now for the rest of our lives. This is amazing! Granted maybe now that he knows I'm pregnant he'll be changing his mind. I know that my answer is yes, but I need his confirmation that the question still stands with the knowledge that there will soon be a baby in the picture. I don't want to rush him, but the silence between us is starting to scare me.

I had already come to the conclusion that a child might be too much for him. I thought I had come to the realization that it would be okay having to give him up if he couldn't give me and our child the love we would need from him, but now faced with the possible rejection after knowing that he wanted to marry me is almost too much to bear. Could I really live with the loss of him if this is no longer what he wants?

"Molly," he began seeming to regain his composure. He is fidgeting with something in his pocket as he moves so that he's facing me. "This is not what I had in mind for this moment in our relationship, but I want you to know that it is a happy moment. And I was wondering if you would make it even better by becoming my wife?" As he asked he pulled out the most beautiful ring I could ever imagine, a small opal surrounded by diamonds.

"Yes, of course," I cried with tears racing down my face.

A child. I never imagined. How did I not notice the signs? I was so wrapped up in the life that Molly and I were working towards that I couldn't see what was right in front of me. However, when it comes to Molly I have a tendency not to notice what's there, only what I want to believe is the truth. What will a child mean for the two of us?

I watch her closely as we both try to sort through our emotions our confessions have brought. Despite the shock, I can see happiness mixed in with fear. What could she possibly be afraid of? She knows I am here asking her to spend the rest of our lives together. Is she afraid that I will leave her because of our child? Yes, that's what she's afraid of. I need to ease her fears.

"Molly," I said turning to face her. I can't stop turning the ring box over and over in my hand, hoping that I can quell her fears, that I can do this right. "This is not what I had in mind for this moment in our relationship, but I want you to know it is a happy moment. And I was wondering if you would make it even better by becoming my wife?" Watching her light up as I asked her was what I had been imagining for this moment and she didn't disappoint. Despite the tears covering her cheeks I knew Molly was happy.

"Yes of course," she cried before throwing herself into my arms, kissing me as she never had before.

When we finally pulled apart I took her hand from around my neck and placed my ring on her finger. She watched me with eyes shining with love.

I love you Molly Hooper, and when you're here with me I know that together we can weather any storm. You are the light that shines in the darkness of my life and I am happy that you and our child will be sharing that light with me for the rest of our lives."

"Oh Sherlock," she exclaimed kissing me again, just lightly before pulling away again. "You are the most infuriating man, and yet you can be the most sincere. I love you and could not be happier to share my life with you and cannot wait to meet this child we have created together," she said with tears still glistening in her eyes.


	8. Against All Odds - Epilogue

**Against All Odds**

I once wrote that I thought my relationship with Mary had softened Sherlock. At the time I wanted to believe that the changes I saw in him were somehow my doing, or at least the changes in my life. I never would have come to the conclusion that there was someone else in Sherlock's life that could be more important, knowing that his only interest in most people was to solve the puzzles they brought before him.

Over the last few years quite a bit has changed in Sherlock's life. He came home from dismantling Moriarty's criminal network to find that everyone he knew had moved on from him in some way. Of course that's what happens when the world at large thinks that you're dead. However, it didn't stop him from being the Great Sherlock Holmes. There were changes in him, and as I said before I thought they were largely a result of my relationship with Mary and our pending nuptials.

The year ahead of us was fraught with many obstacles for the both of us and found it ending with Sherlock's exile after killing Magnussen. Of course that didn't last long as we saw the return of Moriarty. It was then that I learned the real reason for Sherlock's changes. Molly Hopper.

I knew that Molly had helped Sherlock when he faked his death by jumping off of Bart's rooftop, but I never would have guessed that she was the reason for all of the changes I came to see in him. After Moriarty's return he sat down and told me everything that had led up to his jump and all that had transpired afterwards. And somewhere in the story I saw what I never imagined I would when it comes to Sherlock Holmes. I saw not only deep appreciation for a woman who could see him like no other, but I saw love. Sherlock Holmes was in love.

I had seen glances between the two and thought that maybe if he was a different man things could work between them, but never truly thought that he was capable of loving someone other than himself. But when he told me I finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and know that he had been in love with her for longer than even he was admitting to me.

Of course you all know that he vanquished Moriarty for a second time as I have already written that one up. It was after that particular case was finished that the world almost lost the Great Sherlock Holmes that we all think we know. After that case he became a broken man. For after all was said and done Molly Hopper refused to come back home. The one person who truly mattered in his life had finally had enough and left him for good.

Now, I will say with great pleasure that I was able to persuade her to return to London to save Sherlock Holmes in the way that only she knows how. I could go into more detail about that but I'm sure Sherlock is going to give me hell for putting his personal life on my blog to begin with. Just know that she has saved him on more than one occasion.

So now on top of solving cases like only he can do Sherlock has found happiness. He was a smart enough man to marry Molly within months of her return. However, unlike most of the world, they didn't want all of the fanfare of a traditional wedding and were married immediately (must be nice being related to the British Government). I was expecting a phone call telling me that they were engaged and instead I was surprised to receive one with him telling me they were already married.

As we approach his and Molly's five year anniversary I look at how both of our lives have changed immensely. We're both married with children. I have my daughter of course and Sherlock has a set of twins a girl andi boy. Both of them have their father's mind, but thankfully they also have their mother's temperament. And while Sherlock really hasn't changed too much, he's still the same arrogant sot he's always been, Molly is always there keeping him on track in ways I never knew another person ever could when it comes to him.

I still have to let him know when he's done or said something 'not good,' but for those of us who know him you can see that every day that he has Molly he can be the good man that Lestrade once told me he thought Sherlock could become. So thank you Molly for saving my friend all those years ago and every day after, and for bringing out the good man.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I want to thank you all for sticking around. When I first starting wring this story the words wouldn't stop flowing, but about halfway through it was harder and harder to get to where I wanted. I hope that you all have enjoyed and I look forward to hearing from you all because even though this story is complete I still have a few more inside me to share. Thank you again for reading.<strong>_


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